A New Strength

I finally decided to start a blog... again. Ha ha. A lot of crazy things have been happening in my life, but I guess this is a way to show myself how strong I am.

As many people know now, I am divorced. My marriage lasted a whole 5 months. A lot of people feel it's sad that it only lasted that long. I'm not sad that it was that short because it was a really painful 5 months. It actually feels like one of the longest periods of my life. I am sad that it had to end, but I am so grateful that I felt enough love for myself to know that I deserved to be treated better than that.

I'm sure everyone wants to know details, but that is not something I will share. I may share bits and pieces here and there, but it's not really my place to share with the world what happened. I will say though that the decision to get a divorce was the hardest decision of my life. I love Keith very much, but I also love myself. A lot of people have since said that marriage is hard. I would not quit a marriage just because it was hard. I put a lot of effort into this marriage, and I made sure I did everything I could before calling it quits. I prayed, read my scriptures, went to the temple, got a blessing, spoke with my bishop, all in efforts to decide if divorce really was the right thing, and I got confirmed so many times that in my case it was ok. It's still sad, but I know that I did all I could.

Through all of this I have been surprisingly strong. My senior year I was in a relationship that left me in pieces. Instead of completely withdrawing myself and hiding from the world, I've started to embrace it. I know that what I went through was hard, but I also know that I learned a lot from it, and I have become closer to my Heavenly Father because of it. I have been blessed so much this past month and a half. I have an amazing family that has been welcoming and very supportive. I have a wonderful bishop that has worked hard to make sure I'm ok and doing the things I should. I have incredible friends that have reached out even more rather than pulling away.

I'm doing many things to help myself become the best me I can be, and I want to share them.

1. Pray morning and night.
2. Read my scriptures every day.
3. Write in my journal each night.
4. Study Preach My Gospel. It's a long shot, but there is a possibility I could go on a mission, so I'm preparing for it in case God and I decide that's where I need to be.
5. I'm working out. It's so hard though! I only work out like once a week, so I'm trying to get better at it. I saw a really super awesome quote- “Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces” I definitely don't have that strength yet... but hopefully I'll get better.
6. I hang out with friends a lot. This is good because I'm not just hiding from everyone, but I'm going out and having fun with people who help lift me up.
7. I took a break this semester for obvious reasons, but I'm working on my education. I'm going to start again summer semester so by the end of fall semester I will be done with my associates degree. Woot woot.

I feel like I'm trying really hard... except in the physical aspect, but I'm working on that... but over all I think I'm doing pretty good.

I'm so grateful for everyone's love and support, especially my family's and my Heavenly Father's. I don't know where I would be with out the gospel in my life. I am truly blessed.