Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something I have never been very good at. I hold grudges pretty dang well unfortunately. I guess I can be forgiving, but I have to feel like the person is actually sorry. I don't like empty apologies. Something that I have been working on lately is recognizing my faults and apologizing for them. This can be hard because not everyone apologizes back, or they feel like I'm just lying to get something from it, or just going through the routine motions. I don't particularly like it when people hate me, but I can't stand it when I hate people. It's an emotion that just eats you up inside. It's the most unpleasant feeling I've ever had to hate someone. The amazing thing is, when I apologize for my own faults, I develop a love an concern for that person. It may seem artificial to that person, but it's real. I also feel a huge burdon lifted off of my shoulders when I'm truly sincere about it. I just hope that forgiveness for others is something that becomes easier for me because it's the hardest thing for me because I feel like I get stabbed in the back so many times. I will work through this. I won't hate anymore. I don't want to.